I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wow bdsm is so cute
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
