Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
