oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
