happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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