tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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