the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
