some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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