i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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