I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
