if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
