My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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