There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
