Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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