I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
