im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sober January is a disaster.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
