I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
