Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
