i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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