there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
