I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you didnt know i had herpes?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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