I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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