I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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