Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Vodka?
Forever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize