How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
