btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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