Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
