I cannot find my penis.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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