Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
