she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
