why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
