did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
