Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
