when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
