I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
