Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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