Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
