ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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