textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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