god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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