are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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