Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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