Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
