Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
