your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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