So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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