If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
