We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
