I want you more than these girls want KFC
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
