WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
