So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
