I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
