Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
