I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
