It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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