he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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