New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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