Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
