the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
