I cut my penus on the lid.
Farmville is her only friend.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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