i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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