I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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