I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
