Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
