3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
