i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
