....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
