Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
