I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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