i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
