while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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