I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
