When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
