john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
