I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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