I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
