If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
