If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
