My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
